So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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