so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
