Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
