Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Randomize
