Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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