I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
