I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
