Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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