Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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