I'm really into asian looking animals
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
