hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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