I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
