Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
