her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
