So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
