The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
