how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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