the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
