What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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