I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
