i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
