I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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