I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
