I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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