I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
