I hate your face
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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