If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
