tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
someone owes me an orgasm
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do herpes really smell.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
