He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
