so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
