Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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