I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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