I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Randomize
