So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
