i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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