I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
