Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
