I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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