Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
we should paint friendship bongs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
