Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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