he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
