he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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