I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
