somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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