Kiss
Puke
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
