I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
