official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
