We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I want is dick and wine.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
