So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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