Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
