no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
