We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
