i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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