bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
