What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
