I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
