Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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